The verdict is in

I may not be a doctor but when I saw the diagnosis on my histopathy, I knew it was bad. Forget the with or without atypia phrase. There was none of that. Instead what was written in black and white was endocarcinoma. Anyone who has ever read up on diseases is aware what carcinoma means. Yep, the Big C.

I tried to make light of it when I finally sat down with my OB-Gyne. She did not want to unnecessarily panic me. There were cancer cells on my endometrium or the uterus lining. No question about it, I had to have a hysterectomy, PRONTO. Cancer is cancer, she said and the earlier it can be determined and treated, the better. She was optimistic, though, because the initial prognosis showed Grade I, and while this in no way determines what stage the cancer is at, (the hysterectomy will confirm it), it is most likely in the early stage. What she wants to know is if it has gone beyond the endometrium because this would require further treatment: either chemo or radiation, which I am not looking forward to.

In truth, I didn't know what to feel. I went to the doctor alone so except for her, there was no one to discuss it with. And with her, I couldn't be emotional, if I really wanted to. There was a brief moment when I wanted to break down and cry but somehow, I didn't. She immediately sent me to the HMO coordinator to check if there was a gynecologist-oncologist within the hospital who was accredited with the HMO, to perform the surgery. Fortunately, there was. But I missed him and will have to come in for consultation on Thursday yet.

My OB-Gyne wants the surgery set next week. The earlier, the better. It will be a 3 to 4 hour operation. My, my that will be a long nap. Five days, at least, in the hospital, two weeks to recover, 2 months to heal. The good news, if it could be called that, is that the HMO will likely shoulder all the expenses. That's why I needed an accredited doctor. I need to be prepped, and I need to prep my family and the people at work, especially the boss.

Am I scared? You betcha! I have to hang on to my doctor's word that all will be well. I don't want to be cut up again -- been there, done that. But there is no other way. Bottom line, I want to get better. Please pray for me.